my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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