Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
