I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
