i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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