Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
