My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
