You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
someone get that fucking seahorse.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
