I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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