Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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