I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
