Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize