Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
