He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
