Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
