When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize