My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
So here I am, sexting at work.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
