Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
