I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize