five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to coat check the pizza.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize