i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
