Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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