Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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