Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
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