My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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