Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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