So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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