I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
