Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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