We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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