Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
