Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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