i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Randomize
