im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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