She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Randomize
