I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
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I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
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I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis