I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.