Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
