Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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