At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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