hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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