He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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