Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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