I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
