well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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