what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
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Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
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I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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