People in love make me want to vomit
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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