i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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