I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
