Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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