Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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