I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
