Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
