well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
