I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize