just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
