i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just forgot I was standing up.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
