Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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