Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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