Princesses don't give blow jobs
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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