You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
