just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
