My friends, they love my intelligence
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
