"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
