your parents love me but you hate me
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
