What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
