You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
