I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
