This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
