So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
