Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
