after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
