please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize