He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
