the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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