Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
