I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
