from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
