Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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