I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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