i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
i believe in u and ur pee
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
