yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
