went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
