I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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